Narrowboat IronMaster's dock

Crick n hell!

Mon, 26 May 2008 15:07:52 GMT

I've been looking forward to this weekend all year. It is of course, the Crick narrowboat show, my yearly jaunt to see all the new boats and to buy myself lots of new loud gear for the summer (and every other season too for that matter).

We left yesterday, planning to have a few hours in the show before overnighting at the travel-lodge then a full day at the show today. We thought the weather last year was a tad on the grim side, but this weekend has shown us that this simply was not the case. By the time we got there yesterday, it was bucketing down.. and I do mean bucketing. It would have dryer standing under a waterfall!, so we decided not to go in (£9 to spend an hour or two in the marquees didn't strike us as good value). However, this morning, it seems like it would have been a really shrewd move.

We got to the show at 10am and headed in.. by 10.40, they announced that the show was being closed due to a severe strom warning. I managed to get 1 t-shirt.. and not my usual rainbow colours.. its kind of a muddy greeny brown (nice admittedly, but subdued for me).. and erm.. a refund on our entrance money.

Talk about disappointed. I look forwards to Crick all year. It's kind of the highlight of my boating year.. and this has been a majour disappointment of industrial catering sized proportions. I have a chance to get some more gear at Strawberry Fair in Cambs in a few weeks time.. but .. no Crick!

It's like someone tokk me out to a posh restraunt, let me peek through the window and then sent me home with no supper! A whole year with no pimped out wardrobe??? how will I survive!

*peace to all*

Too much beer make Narra..

Mon, 05 May 2008 22:26:06 GMT

Ughh.. me sit feeling brain all hurty. Me suspect large amounts of bittery wet stuff may have something to do with this... and small glasses of peaty wet stuff too. Arghh.. room going round n round again.. me stop and have ground up beans in hot wet stuff and make head stop hurty so much.

MMM.. hot wet.. ACK! Oops.. me got wrong beans.. wanted brown hard ones, not soft heinzy ones.. not right in hot wet stuff is that!

Okay.. on second attempt, head not so hurty.. or maybe it is, but can no longer feel pain.. 2 secs.. me check. *sticks pencil in ear* Nope.. me still feel pain, so head not hurty so much... but now hearing not work on left.

Ahh.. nice hot brown wet stuff good.. think brain is beginning to work again.. slightly.

It's been a bit of a weekend. Normally, I get a nice quiet time, all to myself.. but for some reason, this weekend has been like campbells condensed chaos. I ventured down the pub on friday.. for a couple of hours.. but it's amazing what you can pack in to a couple of hours. Pottered around on saturday.. and then Claire came over in the afternoon for a coffee and a chat. Then on sunday, Simon dropped over.. his Mrs was away seeing her family and had taken little sam with her. Hence me and Si doing huge burgers and multi pints down the pub. The intention was for him to stop and head back today, but due to his mrs having to come back early.. he had to bugger off sharp and tidy up all the cans and fag butts from the house before sh got home.. unless of course she's reading this.. in which case, he popped back sharp to make a nice meal and run a hot bath for her getting in.

I stopped down the pub.. which was as busy as hell, so of course me being mr useful, ended up clearing glasses, running the glasswash and bussing plates back in to the kitchen.. all of which I did very well given the 10 (pffff.. who am i kidding, more like 15) pints I'd downed.

Had some mates over V early today.. and after a quick wash n brush up, we... drank and drank and drank and drank.. and drank.. mmm there's a bit of a pattern forming here. I think we must have stopped drinking at some point.. but I'm lost as to how Im now sat typing.. when did THAT happen?

Tomorrow morning I'm expecting Brian down.. first time I've seen him in almost a year now, so it'll be nice to catch up. Then in the afternoon, Jenna might be popping over for a coffee and a chat.. and Simon has threatened to pop back over late afternoon (with a spare 15" lcd monitor).. which may involve more beer.. oh dear lord.

I'm kinda looking forwards to spending all wednesday in bed.. except that I have to pick up me pension, go into godmanchester for another interview, do my shopping.. arghh.. then Thursday, it's the usual me and Claire doing lunch.. but in town this time rather than the marina.. by heavens.. I'm already wishing it was next weekend.. i could do with some down time hehehe.

Peace n love all

Mick

Victory is mine.. !!

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 23:17:06 GMT

What a day.. what a day!

I had a meeting/ interview this afternoon with a really nice chap from the group that the psychologist put me in touch with about helping me. We discussed what I want in terms of help getting back to work.. discussed training and allsorts. The upshot is.. and I can barely believe this.. I have permission to return to college to get my IT skills up to date.

As of tomorrow, I'm going to start looking into courses and start making applications. I also have a contact to call to arrange some voluntary work to get me off the boat one or two days a week.. probably something connected with IT (I hope), but I'll look at all the options and take it from there. After I have handled that for a month ofr two, we may look at getting me a supervised placement with some company to actually do some proper work. On top of this.. I've gotten the smoking down to 5 a day (from around 40 a day last week).. and intend to be stopped totaly within a week. Next on the list is getting my pushbike repaired and running so I can do a little excercise every day and shed some of the extra poundage I'm carrying. Now.. as if this wasn't enough.. I've also had a couple of contacts via the online you-know-what.. and I'm chatting to a couple of really nice women.. not sure where any of it is going, it's kind of early days for that yet.. but it's a positive sign.

Could it be that my life is finally starting to come together at long last?

Funny.. just a few weeks ago, I was slagging the psychologist off as .. well.. read back. Right now, I'm really convinced that the guy WAS a genius. His comments fired the anger.. which in turn spurred me to bloody well show him.. which has led to me standing on my own two feet for the first time in god knows how long.. and I'm loving it.

I feel genuinely positive about myself for the first time in 14 long years.. like I used to do when I was working and doing well.. before all the crap fell on me. I feel like I could conquer the world. I feel GOOD.. and for the first time in an age.. I actually feel happy. I'd forgotten what happy felt like.. it feels warm and fuzzy and comfortable and right.

I haven't lost my objectivity.. I know it's early days. I need to navigate the failures and disappointments that are sure to come along during this process.. but I feel strong enough and confident enough in myself to cope with them and overcome them without collapsing into the black hole I usually do. Could these be the first steps on the road to a better life? You'd better believe it baby.. I DO!

Peace and joy to you all..

Mick

7 more days..

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 16:00:31 GMT

The final countdown has begun.. the little timer in my brain has clicked from weeks to days (more like hours) in anticipation of the release of the latest installment of the gretest games title ever made because on tuesday of next week GTA IV hits the shelves on X360 and PS3.. and I can't wait!

Hugely politically incorrect in every way possible, designed from the outset to wind up the conservatives of the world and those who's sensibillites are easily offended, GTA is one of those landmark, legendary games that non-gamers in society wil never, ever understand the attraction of. It's been banned in several countries over the years, villified by most organs of the press and cited as a tool of the devil by the moral majority.. and i LOVE it!

From car-jacking to mugging, assault with a deadly weapon to mass murder with rockets and flamethrowers and driving whilst pursued by the amounts of cops that home secretaries would have wet dreams about, GTA has it all. See a car you fancy? Steal it (maybe even pop a few caps in the original owner for good measure) and tear down the pavement at 140 mph, sideswiping pedestrians as you go and racking up your wanted level until even the national guard is on your ass with tanks.

It's just a glorious romp of total and utter chaos and bad behaviour.

I've been playing the series since the very first instalment that gave you bonus points for mowing down whole lines of elvis impersonators and I've loved every single second of it.

The last instalment, GTA San Andreas, has to rank as my least favourite of the titles so far though. For whatever reason, I just couldn't engage with it the way I had with Vice City and GTA3. I suspect the whole 80's gangbanging culture from San Fansisco/ L.A. that left me cold.. but now the series has returned to Liberty City and once again has the underdog fighting his way back to the top.. and the anticipation that this will be a defining moment in the series is enormous.

Yeah.. I know.. I'm 43 and still drooling over a game that lets my dark side run wild. What can I say.. BRING IT ON hahahaha.

The attraction has always been that it allows your imagination to run riot and find that your ideas have already been pre-empted and built in to the game. A true sandbox, where the designers go out of their way to anticipate the weird things that gamers will try to do that weren't part of the plan.. and GTA is the one that lets you go for it. No other game offers the freedom to go crazy that GTA does. Every time you pick up the latest instalment, you find yourself finding odd little moments that put a smile on your face and wondering "How the hell did they (the designers) know that I'd try and do THAT!".. like finding you could make a tank fly in GTA 3, by gunning it at top speed, turning the gun backwards and repeatedly firing it to get thrust and eventually airbourne.. or ending up with a line of 30 odd wh*res following your car down the street because you beeped your horn when passing them (ahh.. the legendary wh*re train hehe.. good times indeed.. my personal best was 27).

So.. be warned.. in 7 days time, I may vanish off the face of the planet completely for about 2 weeks.. incommunicado to the world.. while the boat resounds to gunfire, wheel screeching and copious amounts of laughter.

Tick.. tick.. tick..

Is it next Tuesday yet??

=Peace= Mick

I may have lost my marbles..

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 23:41:23 GMT

(Have you seen them by any chance? They we're in a string bag.. loads of glassies, a couple of decent steelies and 2 clays - one like a cat's eye).

But seriously folks.. I'm starting to suspect I may be going sane!! How on earth could this have happened??

I've gotten kind of sick, waiting for help that never arrives (damned quacks!) and of course, a lot of introspective thinking later, coupled with a bit of a whiskey session.. and I drunkenly arrived at the decision, I'm going to bloody well do it for myself! It feels similar to that moment that I first stopped taking the anti-depressants all those years back.. kind of "Bugger the crutch, I've got to learn to do this bare-brained and standing on my own two feet no matter what happens.

Soooo.. I've arrived at the decision that I'm going to get permission (notice the "GET" and not "TRY and get") to go back to college short term and part time to get what pitiful IT skills I have left up to date.. and the intention is to be working for myself, doing some freelancing web site construction, pc repair, some artwork and painting comissions and possibly fleshed out with some work in the pub kitchen, by my birthday later this year and I refuse to let anything official stand in my way. If they won't help me, Fine! But g*ds help them if they try and stand in my way, because the juggernaut is moving and ain't gonna be stopped by any red tape - I'll roll right over the top of the whole b*st*rd lot of them and pick the bits out of the wheels later on (possibly turning the chunks into some kind of grizzly red and purple motifed collage).

WHAT was I thinking??? I'm so far outside of my comfort zone right now, it scares me! I've had a ton of sleepless nights since this decision.. waking up in a cold sweat, scared that it'll go horribly wrong.. but you know what the scariest thing is? It hasn't put me off making the attempt or changing the decision.

I feel like I've got one more chance.. one last throw of the dice and I've got to stake everything on this. And if the damned quacks won't help or support me in this, then to hell with the lot of them. I'll bloody well do it on my own and bugger the fallout. Let's be honest.. if it works then great! I can turn around to the whole damned useless lot of them and tell them exactly what I think of them and their mumbo-jumbo heartless profit driven profession. And of course if it fails (which I have to admit, there is always some chance it mayl..) then they can pick up what's left of my sanity and my carcass and deal with it.. because I fear if it goes wrong again, that'll pretty much be the end of me, my confidence and my ability to function.

Damn.. I can't remember having felt like this for so long, it's not true. Motivated.. energised.. positive. It's full speed ahead number 1 and damn the torpedoes!

I'm starting to worry though.. this injection of courage and confidence may already have had unforseen results. I went and did something.. impetuous! I went and joined a *mutter mutter mumble*.. an *mutter mutter mutter*.. OKAY.. a dating agency. Jeez.. I swear I'll never touch another drop! (quickly hides glass of whiskey in hand). Fortunately I've had zero response so far.. Looks like nobody wants a 40 odd year old short haired hippy who's not currently working (well DUH!)

Before you even ask.. NO, I'm not going to tell you which site it is.. Baring my heart and soul in the hopes of finding someone gullible.. erm.. caring enough to want me is tough enough without some of you going and finding my profile and winding me up.. (you know who you are :p).

Ahh.. yah never know, I might get there yet. At least I can say to myself I'm giving it my best shot.

Peace and love to all

Mick

= Made in China? No Thanks! =

The 'Beast' is unwell..

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:31:24 GMT

Arghh.. only a few months old and already the poor old 'Beast' is suffering (The 'beast' in question being my new PC for those that aren't regulars).

I have no idea why, but she has developed a rather nasty tendency to refuse to boot up, claiming a cmos checksum error on boot, requiring me to alter the bios settings every time. My suspicions are pointing towards a nasty error to do with the soundcard conflicting with the onboard sound on the motherboard as it seems to be the onboard sound simply refuses to stay disabled in the bios. Why this shhould be the case is causing much head scratching (I'm wearing a flaming groove up there and the bald spot is growing exponentially), but I have a funny feeling it's to do with the motherboard instalation disk insisting that it needs to install drivers for the onboard sound.. even tho with it disabled, the system should simply not see it.

The plan is to strip the beast back to components and re-build it, this time manually installing each set of drivers rather than letting the installer have it's wicked way. If this fails, I may take a screwdriver to the mobo and pry the onboard sound off of it.. or maybe not hehe.

Congratulations are due to Paris for succeeding where London failed. Well done to the boys over the channel for putting the flame of shame out. Way to support Tibet guys.. big grats! Now lets keep this rolling.. snuff that flame at every opportunity!

Other news.. I managed to catch another Zuleika gig on saturday, this time at the Boathouse in Cambridge. Very appreciative audience this time and a cracking set. I'm contemplating suggesting some changes to the website, seeing as the band have now adopted a formal band logo. Might have a go at creating a new theme to fit in keeping.. but have to run this one past the crew first, so we'll see.

Other other news.. work on my own site for IronMaster has ground to a halt due to several other projects rearing up.. some of which are giving me ideas about going back to college and getting my 1337 work skillz well and truly up to date. Gotta go begging permission first, but I'm in touch with a group that may be able to help in that respect.

Other other other news.. ermmm.. bah! I seem to have run out of things to report. Think I'd better get myself out and do some interesting things.

Peace to all

Narra - "Made in China? No thanks!"

**Breaking News.. I just broke my computer chair. All the screws in the legs just snapped and the top fell off!! Wahhh.. my Cap'ns chair was my favourite seat too**

Guess I'll have to go round the antique shops and find me a 'new' one :(

The Flame of Shame..

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 16:54:36 GMT

I've been spending the day watching the coverage on BBC news 24 of the progress of the Flame of Shame (the Olympic torch) throughout the day, wishing I was there and making my voice heard along with those superb souls who have fought to bring the whole issue of Tibet and China's treatment of it's people into the sharp focus of the media attention.

I'm not going to re-hash the events of the day.. I'm sure there will be plenty of coverage on all the news channels (outside of China of course.. I doubt somehow that anyone inside China will get to see or hear the truth about the protests). What has incensced me all day is the stream of crap coming out of the mouths of those who somehow feel that these protests should have been muted.. or not even happened.. and that there should be no controversy over China's hosting of the games.

The worst nonsense these naieve (at best.. plain dumb at worst) fools have trotted out is that the "spirit of the Olympics" should not be interfered with by politics.

Hold on.. think about this for a second.. Lets just take a quick glance at the 'Spirit' in the words of the IOC's own charter shall we?

Fundamental Principles of Olympism

Olympism is a philosophy of life, exalting and combining in a balanced whole the qualities of body, will and mind. Blending sport with culture and education, Olympism seeks to create a way of life based on the joy of effort, the educational value of good example and respect for universal fundamental ethical principles.
The goal of Olympism is to place sport at the service of the harmonious development of man, with a view to promoting a peaceful society concerned with the preservation of human dignity.
Any form of discrimination with regard to a country or a person on grounds of race, religion, politics, gender or otherwise is incompatible with belonging to the Olympic Movement.
Belonging to the Olympic Movement requires compliance with the Olympic Charter and recognition by the IOC.

“Safeguarding the dignity of the individual is a fundamental requirement of the Olympics.” IOC Code of ethics

So, what we should be talking about here is Fairness, equality, respect for others, non-discrimination.. hmm.. that being the case, just how the hell could the IOC justify ever letting the barbaric, totalitarian regime in China ever get to host the games in the first place.

Maybe the decision has more to do with the REAL spirit of the modern Olympics.. backhanders, corruption and performance enhancing drugs seem to be the order of the day now. I understand that for athletes, the Olympics represent the pinnacle of a career in most cases, but lets be honest.. surely moral principles and ethics are more important than a medal metaphorically covered in the blood of innocents?

The nonsense spoken today that taking part in the progress of the flame does not condone what China is doing.. I'm sorry.. How nonsensical is THAT statement. By taking part, you ARE giving your support.. the only way NOT to give support to China's behaviour is to refuse to participate. Let's face it.. China is not looking at the Olympics as some magnanimous display of philanthropism. Hell NO.. this is about MONEY! This is about selling the world a PR image of how china would like to pretend it is, whilst fobidding anyone journalistic access who might say otherwise. This is about sucking tons of foreign cash in to China..

Bless his Holiness, The Dali Lama.. true to own principles, he has spoken out against the obvious boycott, preferring instead to try and engage the Chinese authorities in dialouge as a way of moving forwards. Nice idea, but it's difficult to engage in talks whilst one party is beating the other over the head with a stick. China needs to be sent a message by the rest of the world that it's no longer acceptable to behave this way.. and the only method that will let them know in no uncertain terms is to stay away from the games and stop buying made in China products. Hit them in the wallet and they'll sharp figure they have to change.

I guess I have a long way to go before I can become as spiritually enlightened as his Holiness.. Going to keep on trying though.

Peace and blessings to all.. a round of applause for those who stood up to be counted today, no matter what the consequences.. and to those that took part in today's processional travesty of "the Spirit of the Olympics".. Shame on you for giving tacit support.. you should hang your heads and pray to be forgiven by all those being persecuted in Tibet and China.

Narra - "Made in China? No thanks!"

Just what the Doctor didn't order..

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 22:25:59 GMT

Went to see the quack yesterday.. and came away half baffled. half frothing at the mouth in anger, two thirds disappointed, a quarter in agreement and totally confused. I went to see him for an 'assessment' of my requirements over the cognitive therapy.. what I seemed to get was about an hour of being put down, told that all that was wrong with me was anxiety and that I needed to grow up and deal with it and that therapy wasn't what was needed. He felt it neccessary to keep repeating the fact that "there was no magic dust".. I came away feeling like I wanted to take him warmly by the throat and feed him his F***ing magic dust sideways.. with a side-order of napalm enema and some sandpaper and salt.. to go. I spent most of last night alternately in tears and feeling like I was just going to bloody well fix myself just to get my own back.. and couldn't help wondering if that righteous indignation and energy was his whole intention all along or if it was simply the fact that this chap was an arrogant, self important little sh*t who gets his jollies by putting down and degrading those who are unfortunate enough to be referred to him. I sure as hell didn't get any sleep last night.. I felt like a fraud, like i had been blowing my problems out of all proportion and that i should maybe just give up on any hope.

I sat and had a good old chew over things early this morning. I'm going back to see the gp next wednesday and tell him what I think of his jumped up little ass of a psychologist and if this is the "help" that's on offer, they can carefully place it where the sun doesn't shine.. caring profession my f***ing ass! Then, I'm going to set my mind to sorting myself out.. and to hell with these useless, mumbo jumbo spouting P'taKhs!

Anyway.. I got a real boost today. Claire rang me first thing. She needed to take the boat from the Pike and Eel down to Riverside to do a pump out and with the rains of late, wanted a crewhand to help with the ropes. Woohoo!!! River trip!!!

It's been a miserable day weather wise.. low, scudding grey clouds and intermittant drizzle, intermixed with periods of light rain, a chilly feel and light breeze.. but by all the G*ds.. it's been one of the most invigorating days in this last year.

We set out about 10.30 am.. and made good time going down river due to the current which was fairly strong (not that we twigged how strong.. not at that point anyway). The stretch between Needingworth and Earith is fairly short, with only the single lock at Brownshill Staunch to contend with. Brownshill's a bit odd.. Depending on the state of the river, it can be quite a drop or absolutely level. Today, it was level. We passed through quite easily, with Claire holding Ragamuffin on the throttle and me operating the blades.

As we passed onwards to Earith, it was obvious how high the water was by the flooded fields alongside the river. We had a bit of a moment mooring up at Riverside.. the current comes along and under the floating jetty and as I held the bowline, the flow took the stern out and started to drag her. A quick bit of throttle and rudder (and about 25ft further down the jetty than we would have liked) Claire got the stern in and we moored up. A quick pump out, top up with deisel and a short break for a nice cuppa and leftover pizza later, we let go and headed back. I took the helm for the run from Earith to Brownshill, handing over before the lock so I could again do blade duty. We were joined this time by a nice chap ferrying a cruiser from over Peterborough way to Jone's at St. Ives.. and as per regulations, passed the time in the lock trading info on good places for a decent pint on the river. We got back to the P and E around 3.00 and whiled away another hour with another cuppa and a long chat.

THIS is the best cure for what ails you.. the river. Bless it, no matter what the season or the weather, she always calms you down, washes away your cares and energises you. I've come home tonight firm of purpose. I'm getting my engine sorted out quick sharp.. and i dont care if i have to go without beer or fags or even food for a month to do it! The river is calling to me.. and it seems I've finally opened my ears and am ready to answer her. Bugger the quacks.. the river is all the cure any man needs.

peace and love to all.. prayers for everyone in Tibet (Made in China? No thanks!)

The rumor mill..

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 10:47:04 GMT

The good old rumor merchants have gone into overdrive this week.. and it's driving me up the wall.

There's been a bit of an ongoing situation here between the Marina and the local council since last year (see my blog entry of 6th July 2007 http://narrowboatironmaster.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!7C9111914470FCC4!702.entry ). I think i neglected to mention that it escalted before christmas and now it's getting silly.

Just before Xmas, the council decided to serve notice of breech of planning permission for residential status to everyone here.. lodges, floating caravans and narrowboats.. not to the Marina owners.. oh no.. to every individual. There was much discussion and legal advice taken and the upshot was, quite a few of us ignored the letters (and threat of a £1000 fine for not completing it) until the Marina had discussions. The legal advice was that as these questionairres were served illegaly (ie.. a circular - not even marked "the occupant"). Next thing we heard was that the council was pushing to have every 'home' here removed! It seems that the marina has never had permission for full residential status.. allowing occupancy for only 10 months of the year. The council were also claiming that they were unaware that anyone was living here full time.

Bloody odd that.. seeing as I (and at least a dozen others I know) have been claiming housing and council tax benefit since we arrived.. in my case almost 5 years ago.. and a good 20 odd others have been registered and paying council tax for years too.

Anyway.. the gossip merchants have had a field day.. the latest scare is that we are all going to be evicted and the vans will have to be removed or demolished. Hmmm.. let's just think a second shall we? With a good 200 odd homes here, probably around 500 people resident, with no other place to go, is this a LIKELY outcome?? I mean.. if the council throw us off, they are going to have to re-home a hell of a lot of people.

I've spoken to an old mate who used to work for the council up in Tyneside (with me) and his opinion is the most likely outcome would be that they backdate planning permission and then collect outstanding council tax from those who haven't been paying. Try telling this to the doom n gloom merchants round here.. they'd rather believe the worst and go around wearing placards saying "The end is nigh!"

I give up.. what chance does reason stand against crass stupidity?

Anyway.. things are still up and down with me. Good days and bad. At least I now have my appointment for the counciling team.. next tuesday. So, we'll see..

Meantime.. Happy Easter to everyone.. don't overdose on the choccy..

Peace

Mick

A quick word of thanks..

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 07:27:49 GMT

Just to say thank you to everyone who has left me messages of support via comments, e-mails and texts in the last few days. All the support has been amazing.. and has helped me find reserves of strength I never knew I had in me..

Bless each and every one of you.

Peace, love and gratitude to you all

A sad day for all the nerds and geeks.. and that includes me!

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 00:24:15 GMT

It is with deepest regret that I read today of the passing of the legendary influenece on the gaming world that was Gary Gygax.

For those of you who aren't aware.. Gary was the man who created Dungeons and Dragons and helped fuel the industry that spawned so many wanna-be clones that somehow, never quite measured up to the original. But D&D wasn't just the revolution that gave those of us with no social life or sporting inclinations the hope of a social activity.. it formed, albeit unknowingly, the basis of the whole computer game industry. to understand more >> http://www.1up.com/do/feature?cId=3166835

You see, D&D was a social activity that for the first time WASN'T made for the family to enjoy.. It was designed for the nerds and geeks of this world, a long, long time before we had any hope of a career in IT and the social contacts which that would give us. It was also the beginnings of the video game revolution. Take the design department of any games studio and place them under the microscope and you will very soon discover a shared background of rolling up a character, fleshing out a backstory and pitting them, odd shaped dice against odd shaped dice, with the malevolent presence of the DM, who, thanks to Gary's rules, could no longer guarentee our oblivion without the aid of a pocket calculator and endless arguments that could only be settled with reference to the increasingly complex mathematical formulae contained in the bibles known as the "Player's Handbook" and the "Dungeon Master's Guide"!

Gary personally gave me a social life.. without D&D, I would have remained a loner, never having known the joys of social gaming.. and eventually online gaming, that has introduced so many like minded friends into my life.

My thoughts are with his widow and his children.. may they draw some comfort from knowing that he touched the lives of millions around the world and brought happiness and contentment to all of them.

Rest in peace Gary.. you'll be sorely missed. The world will not see your like again soon.

You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone..

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:52:44 GMT

Unfortunately, I'm talking about my sanity (or what precious little I had left of it) here..

I had a bit of a breakdown on Saturday/ Sunday.. well, okay.. more than a bit. In fact the words "Almost total" seem to fit the bill pretty well. So, it's back to the nightmares, hallucinations, crying fits, panic attacks and almost constant thoughts of just dying and getting the misery over with.. ahh.. happy days! I came pretty close to playing noughts and crosses on my arm with the knife again.. thank the go*ds for what willpower I have, as so far I've managed to resist the urges. Since then, I've been pretty much brain dead and emotionaly empty, alternately throwing up through fear of dropping dead with no warning or bursting into floods of tears for no immediately apparent reason (other than my life is pretty much in the toilet again I guess). It looks like all those panic attacks were an early warning sign that I pretty much missed.

Anyhoo.. I managed to see the doc yesterday and for the first time ever, they didn't try to put me on zombie drugs (along with the usual detailed instructions from me as to exactly where they could put them and how hard to shove). Instead, they immediately referred me for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.. exactly what I've been begging for, for the last 10 odd years and been told I couldn't have as it was not available or too expensive or I just wasn't a severe enough case to merit it. Just waiting on an appointment now.. hopefully within three weeks or so. At least this time it feels like there's some hope. We shall see..

In the meantime, things may be pretty quiet around here, so don't be suprised to see tumbleweeds blowing through this place for a while, at least until I feel a tad better.

Peace and love..

Normal service has been resumed..

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 13:58:25 GMT

Well, as much as is EVER normal for me anyway hehe.

The panic attacks have subsided (thank the gods) and it's back to the usual.

It's been an uneventful week all in all.. haven't done a huge amount bar making some updates to Zuleika's website noting the new gig lineup for the next few months. (for those that haven't heard of them yet, Zuleika is the band that Claire plays in - website is http://www.zuleika.net/ and myspace is http://www.myspace.com/zuleika0 )

I'm planning on going to the Glass Onion Peace Campaign gig next week.. in fact, I can't wait.. the Glass Onion is my spiritual home hehe.

Other than that it's been a case of same old, same old. Grinding away at WoW (which I'm still hooked on..). Finally got number one toon (character to you non wireheads) to lvl 50 and my second pally to lvl 40.. the crafting side is belting along too. I've even started having thoughts about putting a guild together in some form.

Went out for a few beers on Thursday night, just to get outside the walls.. of course.. it being the 14th, some silly bugger had to ask..

"How many cards did you get then???"..

"Twenty seven million, three hundred and sixteen thousand, four hundred and seventy one" I replied..

My mate looks at me sideways and say "Stop being silly.."

"Well.." says I, "you started it!"

Started giving serious thought to getting myself a hound.. the company would be great and I'd be forced to venture outside into the real world at least a few times a day.. and let's face it, the excercise sure wouldn't hurt the ever expanding waistline now, would it. I'm thinking some sort of gundog.. maybe a pointer or retriever.. still thinking on it though. It's a big comittment to take on and I need to be sure it's the right thing to do and for the right reasons.

By the god's it's been cold these last few nights.. I've even had to break out number 2 quilt as the cabin temp has been creeping down to close to freezing. The poor old electric heater keeps me nice and toasty through the day, but struggles with the nights, bless it. Still, the ever increasing daylight and warm days (T-shirt weather here at the moment) make up for that. The river is starting to show signs of coming out of winter mode and the promise of spring is in the air.. (as we can tell by all the shagging ducks.. noisy b*stards!).

Summer feels like it's just around the corner.. and that always is good for lifting the spirits. My mind is turning to getting all the boat's issues resolved and maybe taking off for a cruise for a few weeks.. that would be something to look forwards to. All I have to do now is sort the engine and the batteries out.. and find myself a female crew member with a taste for good cooking, good music, whiskey and the river life..

Peace all

This too will pass..

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 22:34:37 GMT

What a bloody awful week.. one of my worst for a very long time.

The trouble started on Saturday. I'd had a bit of a listless day, not sure of what I wanted to do, so ended up doing nothing. By the evening I was thoroughly bored with staring at the same four walls, so around 9.30, I decided to pop to the pub for a couple of beers. I managed two..

Halfway through the second pint, I get a feeling of total light-headedness - no, not drunk.. the sort of 'about to pass out' feeling. I started feeling tightness across the chest and pains in both arms. Paranoia kicks in.. I'm having a heart attack...!! (I wasn't but that's paranoia for you). I make my way back to the boat and by the time I get back I'm feeling well and truly out of things.. dis-orientated, light-headed, struggling to breathe.. next thing I know, the fear grips me and I'm loosing my lunch over the side. I had to phone my bro.. just to talk to one of the family.. let them know what's going on.. (in case I die.. yep, that's how I was thinking).

Took me until 4am to calm down. Couldn't go to bed for fear of dying in my sleep, so loads of cuppas and pacing later I calm down enough to drop off from exhaustion on the sofa. Of course.. it was a panic attack. Unfortunately, that set the tone for the whole week. Every time I thought of going outside the boat I got panicked.. every time I lay down to sleep, I got panicked. I've had so many attacks in the last five days I've lost count. I couldn't have a drink.. i 'knew' it would bring on an attack.. I couldn't lie down to sleep.. I 'knew' I would die in my sleep.. I couldn't go outside.. I 'knew' I would have a panic attack if I did. I forced myself to go to the post office to collect the pension yesterday.. but it was a struggle. I kept wanting to scream at the taxi driver to just take me home.

Claire took me out to the pub for lunch this afternoon, but I was uncomfortable being out (nowhere near as bad as I have been) and ended up saying some stupid things that I shouldn't have.. fortunately, she knows how these things affect me and doesn't hold my crass stupidity against me.. she understands that the fear makes me slightly..'irrational'. Just before DS9, I felt another attack coming on, but some meditation and relaxing into the programme has calmed it down.

It's got me worried though.. I haven't had a series of attacks this bad in years. What's worse is I can't see the trigger. It's usualy stress based.. but right now I don't feel stressed (except for worrying about the attacks) and can't honestly think of anything preying on my mind.

I guess if it keeps happening over the weekend then I'll have to go see the quack (even though he'll only suggest tranquilisers again.. and I'll suggest where he can put them.. again).

Jeez.. you think you're making progress and then out of the blue, this happens. It feels like I'm a gnats away from being back to agrophobic, locked in the house for seven years and terrified to cross the doors (complete with panic attacks, night terrors, hallucinations and paranoia) stage I was at just after the breakdowns. Of course.. this has brought the depression back with a vengance. The thought of being back to the way things were 5 years ago makes me feel like I want to slit my wrists right now and have done with it.. I'm NOT going back there. Before you start worrying and calling social services on me, DON'T panic.. One thing I have learned throughout the illness is that whilst I might get down, irrational, panicked, terrified and so on, I refuse to give up.. I'll be damned if I let this beat me! I've fought this for half my life so far and it hasn't beaten me yet.. beaten me down maybe.. but I'm NOT out yet.

Keep on keeping on..

peace and love..

Something something something.. Dark Side

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 15:01:54 GMT

Woohoo..

Finally, the long awaited "Family Guy : Blue Harvest" episode has been released on DVD.. and of course, I just had to go straight out and buy it

What do you MEAN, you have no idea what I'm talking about??? FG:BH is a special one off (or so we thought) spoof of Star Wars episode IV (a new hope.. the first SW movie). The show is hysterically funny but htis.. well.. let's just say it takes parody to a whole new level. Any fan of the series will love it.. fans of the SW movies will laugh themselves silly.. and anyone else will either be coverted or is suffering from having their sense of humour surgically removed! (for those that aren't geeks.. Blue Harvest was the title under which most of Return of the Jedi was shot so as to keep loads of fans from mobbing the shooting venues).. oops.. I'm showing my geekiness.

Anyway.. a quick catch up on what's been happening.

ermmmm... errrrrrrr... ummmmmm.. kinda nothing really. The weather has continued to be cack with strong winds but thankfully without too much more rain. Other than that.. same old, same old. Life continues to be non changing and single. I have got to stop kidding myself I'm going to meet anyone.. All the nice women I meet are either with someone or way too sane to consider me. Those that are ionterested usually turn out to be brain dead or wander round with a big stew pot asking where I keep my rabbit. Sheesh.. who would have thought that finding an intelligent, articulate, caring soul would be so difficult? I've come to the conclusion that the universe hates me.. dunno why.. it's not like I've done anything to it!

Anyhooo.. the crew from the pub are going out to a club in St. Ives tonight and I've been invited along again.. not sure if I'm going to go yet. I'm in one of my fractious moods.. the mood where I can't really bear the tought of going out to anywhere with lots of people in it.. but I'm gonna have a feet up afternoon reading (Patrik Tilley's Amtrack Wars series I think) and just chill. Follow that up with a good meal (Wild Mushroom and Emmental stuffed tortellini with a stilton and parma ham sauce - all home made of course ) and maybe a bottle of Hardy's Shiraz to accompany it.. then watch Deep Space 9 and make my mind up.

Peace all..

And on the 40th day..

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 02:56:38 GMT

The bloody wind picked up! Arghhhh.. if it isn't an excess of water, it's an excess of wind! (ermm.. maybe I should re-phrase this.. it could be misconstrued). The water levels here have finally taken on a semblence of normality.. but now we have crazy winds (again). I tell you.. anyone who claims global warming is a myth just isn't living in the real world.. ie the flooded, windy one.

Claire got her new van today.. and it's a belter! Gone is the old Skoda (No.. don't laugh).. replaced with an Astra van.. with a 1.7l turbo deisel engine. Okay, okay.. I know.. the words turbo and deisel dont belong in the same sentence, but you try fitting a whole music room in the back of a Lambo or a McLaren Merc!!! It may be a Vauxhall, but it's comfy, it's roomy, it carries a hell of a lot.. and by the gods, it can't half shift if you press the loud pedal.

The only thing is.. every time I look at it, I can hear Clarkson sniggering.. (the smarmy southern get!).

As per usual, I spent a merry (okay.. tipsy.. yeah yeah.. fine.. P*ssed!) few hours down the pub last night with Gary, Ben and Dave the chef. In between shouting at the TV.. (well, they were shouting, I was just quietly baffled - something to do with football and some team scoring lots of goals - I think) we got to discussing cars. For some reason, they kept waffling on about the bloody Bugatti Veyron. Okay.. fast I grant you.. but.. looks like a fish, moves like a fish.. steers like a cow! God help me.. that thing is pig ugly! Good for going fast.. in a straight line! Put me in mind of that damned stupid Volvo ad that's doing the rounds. You know the one.. some bunch of chavs in the new Volvo estate keep cruising past the showroom with the Lambo in it.. and apparently, we are supposed to believe that a Volvo is more desireable than the Gallardo!

WTF!!!

Is the whole damned planet on drugs all of a sudden?? I could understand that ad if the shop window had a skip full of horse dung in it (just..) but to say.. I'd rather have a Volvo??? The doctor will see you now. Personally.. Give me an a Jaguar E-Type.. or an Aston Martin DB4 Zagato or a 1930's Bentley Speed 6 or a Mercedes 300 SL gullwing or the original Jaguar S type.. or C type for that matter.. or (if you REALLY want to spoil me..) a Shelby Cobra Daytona Coupe... *sigh*.. God.. I WISH I was allowed to drive! It pains me sometimes.. the closest thing I'll ever get to being behind the wheel of a classic is watching Top Gear or playing games on the damned pc with the force feedback wheel hooked up. ME!!! With petrol in my veins.. and not being allowed to touch!!! Life is indeed a cosmic joke.

Right.. rambling rant over.. Now what was I saying agin?

Oh aye.. I remember.. the upshot is.. There's a night out planned for next friday.. nightclub (must stop thinking of it as a disco!) and all. Even Claire is invited this time. Should be a blast.. And maybe THIS time I'll meet the wome.. who the hell am I kidding??? The woman of my dreams will turn out to be a man-eating brussel sprout with teeth 5 feet long that chases me down an increasingly sticky, glue filled path until it catches me and rends the flesh from my living bones from the feet upwards.. or worse.. (nightmares are technically dreams too you know!).

*sigh*

I gotta start writing this stuff when I'm sober.. or sane.. or both.

Peace.. and hold the brussel sprouts!

Release the doves.. quick!

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 12:18:40 GMT

Greetings from Lake Cambridgeshire..

Yep.. we are still underwater here.. although there has been a drop in the levels overnight (It's gone down almost 6 inches!!!). I had a trip into town over the weekend and could NOT believe how high the river is right now. The centre of town is almost surrounded by a lake instead of open fields.. several narrowbaots moored up at the quayside are effectively stranded in the middle of the new lake. St. Ives is now virtually an island with the road providing the only dry land for miles (okay.. metres.. but you know what I mean).

Claire is now settled on Lynn and Trina's 'sapre' boat Black Cat (a gorgeous 35 foot by 9ft 6 custom built butty, decorated like a little french cottage.. it's a beauty) which is probably for the best. The Pike and Eel is almost totally submerged now, with the water up in the pub carpark. They reckon it'll be a good week to a fortnight before the water goes down far enough for people to get back to the boats.

I keep looking around expecting to see an old bloke with a white beard on a wooden widebeam crammed full of animals come pottering past, asking directions to the nearest mountain and flinging doves overboard at a rate of knots. I can almost believe that this weather was a judgement of us poor sinners.. except that the pub is high and dry and as a result we are still sinning on a daily basis hehehe.

Ah well.. at least 'the Beast' is keeping me well and truly occupied right now. I've only popped a few games on so far.. not sure if I'm gonna do a full rebuild and get her optimised yet. I am tempted.. but then I keep launching NFS Pro Street and forgetting such mundanities.

Right.. I need to swim to shore now as I appear to have run out of smokes.. now where did I put that wetsuit??

Peace

Enter.. the BEAST!

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 22:21:44 GMT

So.. she's here.. 24 hours later than expected admittedly, but belching smoke and breathing fire (metaphoricaly I mean.. although it came pretty close yesterday). I've christened her "the BEAST" and by the gods she is awesome! I ran her spec on Sysoft Sandra today and she's almost twice as fast as "old faithful".. *jaw goes clunk on the floor as i think of the numbers again*

It was a painful birth to say the least.. for all her power, she's a tempremental so and so. There is a very specific order in which I have to add the various components to her (and disbale certain bits of the bios as I go) and make one false move and she screams in rage and has a hissy fit that means.. start again from scratch. But my word.. is it worth it! Poor "old faithful" has now been retired after 18 months of sterling service.. but I'm considering keeping her running and maybe even networking her so I can run both machines side by side.. I might even try multi-boxing in WoW hehe.

At least having things to fiddle with has taken my mind off the water levels.. although not for long. We've had it pretty much lucky. Right now, the water is lapping gently over the bank edges.. a good 2 to 2 1/2 feet up on normal. Claire (down at the Pike and Eel) has had to abandon ship and move on to a mates boat here as her moorings are under a couple of feet of water.. her place looks like a lake rather than a river bank. She woke up on Sunday morning to find the van immersed in a foot of water and it has damaged the engine. The marina in Huntingdon is suffering with flooding, as is Buckden (which due to flooded roads, is now virtually cut off except by water!). I think everyone is pretty much praying that the rain lets up soon or heaven knows what's coming! It's daft.. I mean, yes, boats are pretty much flood proof (so long as you mind your mooring lines) but you forget that from time to time, you need to step ashore.. and if the boat shifts and the water drops, you CAN find yourself beached and facing a hefty bill to be lifted back in (which happened at the Pike during the last floods.. which were no where near as bad as this time).

Well, I'm off for a well earned whiskey.. it's taken all day to install and update all the software and devices (and of course a couple of hours of blasting round the track in NFS Prostreet to drool at the might tasty graphics at 35 fps.. instead of 2fps under "old f").

I might do some work on the various websites tomorrow.. or maybe just play games.. we'll see hehehe. I'm definitely having a night out tomorrow night tho. With the positive way things are going, I might meet the girl of my dreams.. (yeah.. right! I tell you, the day that that happens will be closely followed by an error message saying the universe has developed a critical fault and must close.. please re-install the creator and re-boot!)

Peace and love..

Thingy go BOOOM !

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 12:37:28 GMT

Well.. it finally happened.

After a couple of weeks of threatening behaviour and warning noises, the main hard drive and the graphics card in number 1 pc let go on Saturday morning. I knew it was coming.. but i wish the timing had been better (like next year for preference!). 20 minutes of tinkering time later, I had the spare drive out of PC no. 2 and the old 64 bit card out of the spares box and after a long winded re-install had n0.1 back up and running.. albeit slightly wobbly.

Tuesday morning should see the arrival of a big package of bits (courtesy of my brother's credit card!) and hopefully by the evening I should be lloking at a brand new incarnation of no.1 - Althlon 64 +4400 dual core processor, new motherboard, 2 gig of corsair ddr2 5400 ram and a 512 meg pci express nvidia 8500 graphics card.. all for the princely sum of £150!! Re-fricken-sult!

No more hobbling along in 1024x768 res at 10 frames a second for me.. lets hear it for 1280 x 1024 at 60 fps!! Woohoo!!! Direct X 10 with shader model 4.. mightly dribblesome graphics and performance... arghhh... I can hardly wait! In fact I CAN'T wait!!! *phones e-buyer* GET A BLOODY MOVE ON!!!

Of course, the down side of this is that I will now REALLY struggle to tear myself away from WoW and Need For Speed Pro Street at all.. I can feel a 48 hour playing binge coming on.

And in other news...

Mid week was pretty good. Anton came down on wednesday - had a good old catch up along with multi beers and damned good steak.. ermm.. vegetarian steak of course . Bless him, he went out on thursday, bought a new xbox 360 and GAVE me his old one!!! (Good man.. and just in time or I would have no games until tuesday night!!! Odd how these things happen).

Other than that, I'm getting sick of the damned boat failing around me. The leisure batteries have gone completely (hence the water pump not coming up to pressure) but a mate is trying to get me a couple of good ones on the cheap - probably fallen of the back/underside of a couple of parked lorries knowing my luck! (actually, he works for a firm that buys them in at cost so they will be legit before anyone reports me to plod )

Anyway.. here's waiting for decent weather and life picking up again after the winter blues..

Peace and love to all

Happy New Year..

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 23:28:30 GMT

Another year arrives.. and once again, I get thoroughly disappointed on New Years Eve. There you are, sat having a damned good beer session.. the clock goes bong repeatedly at midnight.. and yet again NO revolution! Every year people keep telling me they are going to make a New Year's Revolution and every year.. come midnight, no bloody revolution happens. It can bring you down a bit can that. You spend a few weeks in the run up, looking forward to the overthrow of capitalism and the dawning of a new socialist dawn and the prospect of building a left wing paradise and come midnight, all you end up with is a firm handshake and people singing in terrible scots accents. (And every year I crack the same old bloody new year's revolution joke and no-one laughs.. mind you, being in the Tory heartland, I shouldn't be suprised!)

But seriously.. I did make resolutions this year.. but in a slightly different form. I read a rather good article on the making and breaking of resolutions and decided to take the advice. Instead of making negative reolutions (ie to give up this and stop doing that), I made positive ones. I resolve to be more positive, to be kinder, to smile more often.. and to get outside more often.

Hehe.. Anyway..

Happy New Year to everyone.. may 2008 bring you want you want from life.

Photo Album: Artworks

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 18:04:03 GMT

Artworks

Illuminated Manuscript

Narrowboats

BORIS

Breathe

Crucify

Hard Rock

Hendrix

intheflesh

Magician

Mental Breakdown

More Photos...

Photo Album: Narrowboat IronMaster

Sat, 08 Apr 2006 21:48:31 GMT

Narrowboat IronMaster

forward

galley

Ironmaster and owner

IronMaster

sleeping berth

Photo Album: Seasons on the boat

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 23:50:00 GMT

Seasons on the boat

seasons - autumn dawn

seasons - autumn high wind

seasons - autumn swans at sunset

seasons - spring fog 1

seasons - spring fog 2

seasons - summer sunrise

seasons - summer sunset 1

seasons - summer sunset 2

seasons - summer twilight

Seasons - winter iced in with snow 2

More Photos...

Photo Album: A grand day out..

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 23:48:27 GMT

A grand day out..

trip - brampton mill moorings

trip - brampton mill

trip - cows in the river

trip - Geese

trip - hartford church

trip - huntingdon

trip - St ives

Custom List: Other blogs / websites

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 17:39:31 GMT

Other blogs / websites

Granny Buttons website
A superb blog of a canal based narrowboat and her owner.. some excellent links to other boat blogs.
Boatwoman's blog
The blog of Sally's newly bought and refurbished narrowboat.. and the trials and tribulations thereof.

Book List: Book List

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 22:40:27 GMT

John O'Farrell: An Utterly Impartial History of Britain or 2000 Years of Upper-class Idiots in Charge
A brilliant history of Britain.. wrapped up in side-splittingly funny satirical comment. An easy and accessible read which keeps you turning the pages and chortling to yourself the whole way through. Should be on everyone's bookshelf.. genius!
Mark Svenvold: Elmer McCurdy - The misadventures in life and afterlife of an American outlaw
One of the most bizarre true tales I have ever read. Impossible to describe, but one of those can't put down books. A biography best summed up by the title in small print.. his life was a disaster, but what happened to him AFTER he died beggars belief.
Richard P. Feynman: Surely You're Joking Mr. Feynman
The autobiography of the nobel prize winning physicist
Robert Reid: The Land of Lost Content
A history of the Luddite Revolts in Yorkshire
Jenny Uglow: The Lunar Men
A superb history of the Lunar Society of Birmingham 1730 - 1810 detailing the lives and works of some of the industrial revolution's most influential figures
Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle: The Moat Around Murcheson's Eye
The sequel to The Mote in God's Eye
Benjamin Hoff: The Tao of Pooh
An exploration of Taoism throught the works of Winnie the Pooh (yes.. you read that correctly!)
Alan Moore and David Lloyd: V for Vendetta
The graphic novel re-print of the dc comics mini series. A must read for any one seeing (or planning on seeing) the movie. See how the story was SUPPOSED to be.
Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons: Watchmen
Another Alan Moore classic comic series (re-printed graphic novel version of the dc comics series). Much darker than V by a long way

Custom List: Cast List - the Stars of the Blog.

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 10:15:23 GMT

Cast List - the Stars of the Blog.

My cooking
you need an explanation?
Claire (aka C)
Ex-next door neighbour, now sadly at another marina and best mate a chap can have
Brian
A good mate from P'boro. Came to fix my heating and ended up as a really good friend.
Sarah (aka Sal, Dolly)
Ex-G/F and bestest friend a chap could wish for. Uber nurse at Addenbrooks.
Dave (aka Bro)
My younger brother.. solid chap that I don't see enough of.
Simon (aka Si)
Gaming buddy and really good friend. Drylander with his Mrs and little one, down the road in Cambourne
James (aka Jim)
Ex-neighbor and good old boy. Sold his boat and became a drylander in St. Neots.. silly bugger :p
Supporting Cast
marina neighbors - Damage, Getch, John, Fliss, Greg, Bernie, Rick, Sam, John, Dentist Dave, Dom and various respective partners. Mostly marina neighbors and drinking buddies. Great crowd.
Anton (aka Ant)
A good mate from my gaming days who became a really good friend. Drylander up in Yorkshire and all round nice guy.