Narrowboat IronMaster's dock

It's been a bit of a productive morning so far. I decided last night (yeah.. one of those 'In the pub' ideas), that it was time to do a bit of clearing out. I've spent the morning, since 7am, having a good old blast through all of the stored junk, under the bed and the sofa, throwing out everything that I'll never use or won't wear again. After filling 3 black bin bags, I'm amazed at just how much junk I've managed to accumulate in just 5 short years and kept hold of for completely ridiculous reasons.

 

The clearing out is also extended to my mind though. I'm getting rid of all of my old hang up's, predjudices and fears that for so long have held me back. I'm making time each day (30 - 60 minutes) to meditate (a guided meditation that I recorded for myself) and work on releasing all the junk that for so long has clogged my mind. I'm using a combination of NLP based 're-formatting' of terms, the positive objectives of the Law of Attraction and some basic vocal repetition of positive phrases and it seems to be doing me the world of good.

 

Already I feel stronger within myself, more positive, more focussed on what I want to achieve with my life and no longer afraid of the trivial stuff that has blocked me in the past. It feels like I'm growing up in ways that are both massive and slightly scary. My entire outlook on life is changing.. and changing fast.

 

Plans for this afternoon are basically.. giving the bathroom a coat of paint and re-sealing the outflow pipes so they no longer fall apart and leak. Once that's done, I'm going to dust and vaccum the boat and then clean the kitchen. Afterwards, I may (depending on the heat) cook something or have a nice fresh salad (yep.. I'm back to being vegetarian again) and then maybe spend the evening roughing out some sketches for a banner for a business website belonging to a new friend from the spiritual awareness group. Once all that's finished with.. well.. maybe a spot of meditation and perhaps an hour in game.

 

Amazing.. in the space of a few short weeks, I've gone from frightened child, hiding from the world by playing games all day to a confident childlike adult.. happy, joyful and motivated to progress, prioritising things properly and exploring the world.

 

Who would have guessed it hehe..

 

Light, love and peace to all..

 

Mick xx

With all the changes that life has brought recently, especially the pace of those changes, it’s not surprising that I’m feeling slightly worn out at the moment. Part of that challenge is keeping my positivity turned up to the maximum and that’s because, once again, depression has reared it’s ugly head and touched my life.

 

Before you going pointing and saying.. “Well, that didn’t take long did it? Back to your old self.. haha!” it’s not me that’s suffering, well.. Not directly anyways. Right now, three people that are important to me are struggling with the old black dog and I’m now getting to see how it’s like from the other side.

 

It’s made me realise what Mum and Dad (and my close friends) must have felt like. Watching someone you care about feeling so lost and alone, weighed down by everything until even the simplest things feel like a mountain, and not being able to give any practical help leaves you with uncomfortable feelings. There’s an element of guilt comes in for a start. I feel slightly guilty that I’m doing so well and yet here are people close to me who aren’t. There are certainly feelings of impotence, of not being able to ‘do’ anything to change those circumstances.

 

In truth, all you can do for anyone in that position is to be there, to provide a listening ear, a strong shoulder or to take on any task that they ask for help with. In itself, that’s the biggy. The temptation is to run around trying to ease their burden by taking all those annoying and unfaceable tasks, but to do so is to disempower the person, and in some respects, actually make them feel bad about not being able to do those jobs themselves.

 

I’m starting to see that my initial reaction, of wanting to dive in and do things for these friends, isn’t the way to provide help. I know that when everyone did that for me, it just added to my feelings of low worth. After all, everyone was doing ‘stuff’ for me, when what I really needed was the support and encouragement to do it for myself, a process that would have added to my self worth and helped lift me up. Of course, at the time, this way of thinking didn’t occur to me. I was happy just to let everyone do whatever and take the stress off me. However, what someone said to me the other day now makes complete sense. “A true friend will give you what you need, not what you want.” It’s interesting how seeing this from the other side brings me more realisations about myself. As my confidence and inner strength grows daily, my eyes seem to open more and I keep seeing myself in new ways, all of which add to my greater understanding and empathy for others.

 

I missed Tai Chi yesterday (yes, I was supposed to be going and starting a class yesterday morning) as I was hugely hung over as I needed a ‘poor me’ moment on Monday night. Not everything in life is smooth sailing right now and although I’m more positive and more confident about my life, certain things do get to me.. and one thing did.

 

I’m not going into detail on this; suffice to say that I’m facing the possibility that life may not give me everything that I want right now. I know.. it’s not like me to be so cryptic.. my blog is known (I’ve been told) for it’s openness and honesty, but when that would infringe on another’s right to privacy then yes.. I’m not putting everything in the public domain.

 

I have to put my head down and continue along the path that the cosmos presents me with. I’m going out tonight to the awareness group meeting at Church and back again tomorrow night for the meditation and healing. All I can do is have faith that the cosmos will give me what I need, not perhaps what I want and all I can do is what I can to get the outcome I most desire.

 

Love, light and blessings to everyone.. and special big love and hugs to the three that really need it right now.. especially to one.. and they know who they are.

 

M xxx

I've added 3 new pictures / paintings (okay.. chalk pastel drawings) to a brand new Gallery - Healing Artworks. This is the direction i'm being drawn in now.. something is telling me that this is the sort of artwork I need to be concentrating on.

 

Love, peace and light to all

 

Mick

 I'm sat here in Southport, on Sandi's sofa whilst writing. I've a lot to relate.. but it's difficult to know where to start. My entire existence has been shaken up, chewed around and has come out the other side completely different to what it was.

 

I guess the process started with the Deeksha blessing a few weeks ago. It made me look at myself and my life from way back and got me thinking on the way I viewed everything. After the weekend celebrating Sandi's parents 50th wedding aniversary, we ended up watching a powerful movie that I wouldn't hesitate to recommend that anone should watch. It's called "What the 'bleep' do we know" and it raises an astonishing (to me anyways) idea. The movie posits the theory that we are in complete control of our own lives due to the nature of the universe and based on the principles of quantum physics. Sandi had broached this subject to me when she was down on the boat, quoting from a freind of her's who had raised the subject in a lecture. At the time, in my arrogance (stemming from having read a bit on quantum physics) I made some comments to her that I now deeply regret having voiced, amongst which I said that this person had played with the theory in such a way as to support what seemed like a crackpot idea. After watching the movie and having read a little more around the theory (The Law of Attraction in case you're interested..) I wish I'd kept my damned mouth firmly shut. Apart from the arrogance of the statement, what I said was insulting to her friend and by extnesion, to her.

 

The theory itself is simple to understand, but I'm still not sure I can put it into words here. You'd have to watch the film to grasp it. Basically, what it says is that we make our own reality EXACTLY the way we 'want' it to be. If we see the world in negative terms then this is precisiely what it will be. If however, you replace this with a positive outlook, then what hapens to you will be just that (I'm radically oversimplifying here..). It's a startling theory.. in so much as it requires you to acknowledge that there is no such thing as luck, fate, karma or any external force resposible for your life being the way that it is. It's that way because YOU as an individual want it to be so.. as you think it, so it will be. If you want your life to be full of happiness and great things then you have to BELIEVE that it will be so. If on the other hand, you believe that it will be full of negatives then that's what you are going to get.. And it's no use just saying "I want it to be full of great thins" either.. you actually have to BELIEVE that it will be at a deep down core level. Talk about mind blowing. It made me realise that I've been a 'victim' because I thought of myself as a victim, that my life was full of misery because that was what I believed it was going to be.

 

Then, on wednesday, we went to a spiritualist church where I recieved 'healing' from a wonderful man. Something clicked inside me.. I felt a deep sense of forgiveness and a sensation of peace washing over me that I've never known before. When I say forgiveness, I mean that it felt like I was being forgiven for all the nasty and hurtful things I've done in my life. I'm not saying that I heard the voice of G*d or anything. It was almost as if the feelings of having to make up for everything I'd ever done were acknowledged (perhaps from deep within my subconcious) and that I could finally accept that I've turned out to be a decent and caring human being after all.

 

I've started looking into NLP (Neuro Lingusitic Programming) and I'm trying to apply it to myself.. ie, by changing the words I use to describe things, I change the way I see them. For example, insead of having a 'nightmare of a day' when things become 'difficult', I have to think of that now in terms of 'minor irritations' that provide me with 'challenges to overcome'. It's not an easy process.. not by any means. It requires me to be mindful of everything I say and do and to watch every word I use to describe ANYTHING I say or do at every moment of the day. Right now, I'm getting it wrong a lot of the time, but instead of seeing this as I used to.. an inabillity to change things and a reason to give up even trying, I now see every time I manage it as another step closer to success.

 

The process may have just begun.. and it may take me some time to work through it, but already I'm beginning to see myself through new eyes. I've discovered strengths I didn't acknowledge that I had and have come to realise that my entire existence has been limited by fear. Fear of rejection, fear of not being 'good enough', fear of failure, of looking like fool, of not being able to live up to unrealistic standards I've set myself. As a result, I've realised that whilst I may talk a good fight, that's all I've done as those fears have held me back from taking control of my life and becoming who and what I want to be.

 

It means I have to stop blaming things on circumstances, past events, the way others have treated me in the past and even as my fated lot in life and take complete responsibility for the course and direction and outcome of my own life.

 

Talk about life changing!

 

It's working though. It may be in small ways at the moment, but it feels like the first few little pebbles rolling that indicate that there's a landslide coming. Already, I feel less threatened about being outside on my own. After walking around Southport on my own a few times, I'm seeing happy smiling faces again instead of judgemental threats. I have a confidence in my abilities that's been lacking for so long.

 

I'm heading back to the boat in the next few days and the challenge will be to build on what I've learned here and apply it each and every day. The great thing is.. I now know I'm strong enough to meet the challenge and to find new opportunities to grow and develop.

 

Boy.. was I ever blessed when this wonderful, gorgeous woman walked into my life (as I belived she would.. I just didn't know it would be her) and started me on the path to self discoverey and realising my potential. She's shown me the door.. it's down to me to step through it.. and I have done.

 

Namaste and blessings to all and a special prayer for all those who are struggling on the path..

 

Love to all

 

Mick

No.. in fact, life is pretty much better than good. To be completely accurate, life is absolutely flamin' brilliant!

 

My week in Southport was.. amazing. I went on the Saturday to the Deeksha blessing in Liverpool with Sandi.. and boy was THAT an eye opener. It's something that is almost impossible to explain or even describe.. but the effects were profound. I went from trying to hold in laughter from the sense of joy, to holding back tears as things from the past got stirred into the mix. We spent a while afterwards discussing everything, and suffice to say, although it's shaken a lot loose, it's done so in a really positive way.

 

Saturday night was tremendous fun. We were in Liverpool, having an all you can eat (with a ramming spoon) chinese banquet followed by a trip to the theatre to see a skit on the Da Vinci code called "The Ass Code" by a group called Organic Cherry. Trust me, if you ever have a chance to see this, do so. It had me crying laughing.

 

I guess the main thing I took from the week was finding out how deep my feelings for Sandi are. She is a phenominal woman.. a beautiful soul in a gorgeous body, intelligent, articulate and with a great depth of understanding and compassion. She challeneges me to become more than I am, but at the same time, being supportive whilst providing a healthy dose of honesty and directness that's refreshing. She's also pretty adept at delivering a boot up the bum when needed. I am indeed a lucky man to have found such a wonderful woman. I think it's fair to say that I am head over heels in love with her.

 

Meantime, I've been back on the boat, after getting a lift back with Neale on Saturday morning (at 1.30 am) and have been pottering on sorting some jobs out. I've managed to pack in so far.. 1 website to completion, a portrait (pencil sketch) A4 size, a 2nd piece of artwork A4 size (I'll reveal more on these later on - including uploading copies once the suprise is delivered) and have managed to secure another website job and portrait comission. Blimey.. I like being this inspired and busy. Long may it continue.

 

I'm giving serious thought to starting the business up.. doing the web work on a paid basis, taking artwork comissions and doing sketches/ paintings for sale. I think I could perhaps generate enough work to make a go of it if I was to charge. Let's see what the next few weeks/ months bring. I'm also planning on looking in to marina's while up there. I think it's time for a change of environment.. one that's more condusive to pushing myself to tackle the things that have held me back for so long.

 

Mmmmm.. big things are afoot (and not just because they can't afford the petrol).

 

Namaste and blessings to all..

 

Mick

Hurrah.. IronMaster is now totally legal and above baord. She finally has her brand, spank me new safety certificate. That means that all we have left to sort out is the fuel tank issue, which is now very close to completion. Thanks to the way the makers created the tank (weld a bulkhead accross the stern, drill a hole in the top and call it a fuel tank lads.. they'll never know), the whole problem has been a result of corrosion and rusting inside.. and without chopping the whole stern to bits.. it's pretty much unfixable.

 

Step forward Tom from Fine Wooden Boats.. who suggests a system of interchangeable plastic tanks within the engine bay and can be brought in at under £150 all in. So, in just a few short weeks, old Iron Mike is good to go a-wandering (withe extra fold-de-rah, fol-de-rays) though possibly avoiding mountain sides methinks.

 

And.. we has a destination in mind, doesn't we, my precious.. oh yes.. we does.

 

No.. not Mordor.. Southport (and no.. that's not the same place at all). Why Southport? Because that's where my beloved lives.

 

Yes.. you heard correctly.. I have a new love in my life. Since I started all this positive thinking stuff, life has changed out of all recognition. I met Sandi a while ago online, through an interest in IronMaster and living aboard a boat. We started chatting regularly and then 2 weeks ago, she came down here to look at boats for sale. The moment we laid eyes on each other.. sparks just flew. Within a few hours of talking (and talking and talking and talking) it was obvious to both of us that we had both found that special person who's meant to be a part of your life. I'm off to stay with her for a week up there, then back later in the month for another week.. but I suspect I'll be thinking about sussing out new moorings up on the leeds / liverpool. So, Iron Mike's first proper voyage looks set to be a bit of an adventure.

 

Wow.. when life goes right, does it ever go right.

 

Namaste and blessings one and all..

 

Mick

 

My friends..

The world is slowly being devoured by a menace, so insidious, so cruel that it wants to enslave every single one of us in it's tendrils of torment. Man is born in freedom, alive to the joy of innocence, full of happy playfulness until 'they' come and suck the pleasure out of existence and turn us in to one of them. They employ a system that gradually erodes you from the inside until all that is left is a shallow clone of themselves. Stop having fun.. obey the rules.. conform.. join us.. join us..

You must RESIST them or face being destroyed by them.

They are 'the Beigeoisie'.

1) Who are the beigeoisie?

The Beigeoisie are all those people who have had the joy sucked out of their lives. They wander through life seeking only to anchor you to the same dull mundanity that they persue with such vigour. They are the teacher that tells you to stop laughing and knuckle down or you'll never get on in life. They are the petty beurocrats that demand that you stop playing balls games on the grass. They are the mean spirited neighbour that paints his half of the drinpipe pink with millimetric precision in order to show it's HIS and not yours. They are the passers by that cluck disapprovingly as you walk past whistling a happy tune. They are the mean spirits that put up a fence and tell you you cant walk here. In short, they are the miserable bastards that want to paint the whole world beige.

2) How did they come to hold such power in the world?

The Beigeoisie were first indentified by Carl Marx and Friedrich Engels in the first comedyist manifesto. However, due to the insidious typographical errors inserted by the Fairly Beige Individuals, this fact was misunderstood and for many years, poor deluded souls have joined the communists in the fight against the bourgoisie.

The Beigeoisie have in fact subverted the Illuminati (now more accurately known as the IkeaMoodyLighty) and slipped themselves un-noticed by us all into positions of power around the globe. They sit in the corridors of power, behind the desks of big business and at the desks of educational institutions all around us and turn us all beige by telling us.. "Stop that.. it's silly! Knuckle down and become a good little drone."

3) what do the Beigeoisie belive in?

Mainly.. "the RULES". The beigeoisie love rules and spend all their time inventing new ones. They belive, quite firmly, in the sovereignty of the RULES, the total depravity of fun and the complete and utter dependance of man upon the RULES for salvation.

They pay particular attention to the "Four Convictions".

A) Salvation shall come straight from obedience.. total and utter obedience.. to the RULES.
B) The RULES are THE indispensable and ONLY guide to life.
C) The System shall reflect the express teachings of the RULES.
D) Society shall be a unified whole, under the RULES.

Fun is permisible, so long as it is state sanctioned, sanitised and the RULES are ahdered to at every step.

4) What are their methods for keeping us down?

Oh, they are many and varied to be sure, but they all boil down to the same old things. Stop laughing. Stop being joyfull. GROW UP!

You'll find the beigiosie at every turn. You already know him. The miserable soul at work, in the pub, living next door.. He whines on about how hard his life is, constantly living in the past, his existence defined by his old pain. He refuses to let go of his negativity, and if you try to rise above it and be happy, he drags you back down, telling you you can't change a damned thing. If you laugh, he'll recite the news about swine fever and tell you how worried you should be. If you smile, he'll remind you how bad life is and try to make you weep with him. If you skip on the grass, he'll point out the "keep off" sign. He is the energy vampire that will suck the joy out of your life and replace it with endless beige.


5) What can we do to resist them?

Simples.. We must rise up and fight them. We call upon all good peoples of the world to stand together as brothers and sisters and blow raspberries at the souless servants of the beige side.

Return once more to the simple playful joy that you knew before the Beigeoisie told you you had to grow up, knuckle down and obey the RULES in misery to perpetuate the lie of beigeist philosophy.

When you see a group of happy skipping children, playing games.. don't scold them.. JOIN IN! Stand on the front lines.. go up to a policeman in his riot gear and pat him warmly on the back of his body armour (cunningly attaching a 'kick me' sign whilst you do so). Sneak out of the house at midnight to plant a smiley face in wild flower seeds on the village green or the councillor's front garden lawn (Thanks Saer.. great inspiration). When they force you to do your exams and you need extra paper.. take a toilet break and come back with enough toilet roll to cover the job. Sneak a whoopee cushion in to the boss's office when you are called in for your progress assessment and let fly at opportune moments. The possibilities are endless..

Most of all, wear a grin of impish mischief every moment of every day. Refuse to take them seriously and the beigeiosie cease to have power over you.

Everywhere, man is held down by the chains of the RULES.. Jokers of the world.. UNITE!

Let all persons of outstanding humour stand forth as one and proudly proclaim.. I AM A POOH!

We are the Masters of misrule.. On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined!


Micko Marx, Comedyist and servant of fun. Leader of the People's Committee for Fun.

 

(see our facebook group at http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?topic=8056&uid=97614862165#/group.php?gid=97614862165&ref=nf )